You ain't as cool as you used to be.
You ain't as young as you used to be.
Why did I ever give up on my creative outlets? Sure, I'm not the sixteen year old I was the last time I published on this blog; I'm a full-time uni student, I've juggled and dropped numerous jobs throughout the year, gone through my first real heartbreaking breakup and second boyfriend, went vegan, developed an addiction to green tea, retired from gym for a couple of months, nearly dated several more boys, went to music festivals, came close to alcohol addiction, and now here I am at the brink of the new decade. And I feel like I've accomplished nothing.
A few things made me refocus to writing, my original career pathway before taking a slight turn to Psychology after a shoddy highschool English teacher. I attended a Graduation Ceremony of my cousin's last week. My oldest best friend barely looked a day over 16, and now had a Bachelor of Fine Arts under her belt. Shit. It really puts into perspective how short but precious the university years of your early life are, and I'd already completed a year with nothing more than 1 good friend named Caleb, a favourite spot in the QUT library (2nd & 3rd floor, window seats next to the toilets), and an unfulfilled need to see the university counsellor. One day that would be me on the stage with a degree in hand and onto full-time work. I hadn't acknowledged that with so much flexibility in my schedule with university and casual working, I could take on any new skill I wanted and turn it into something that's mine. Why waste it all stalking other people's Instagrams?
Creativity is key. I needed it back into my life. As a 16 year old I wrote articles for a music blog, created my own stories, journalled, wrote songs, played drums, ran a successful fan account, and actually had a personality worth something to me. I even made this blog to start my own music journalling and create the next Pitchfork or NME. I was going to write. I was going to publish novels. I was going to make albums. I miss being that ambitious.
So here I am again, ready to try and reunite with some of my old passions, and take on some new ones such as becoming a pro bass player, sewing my own cool clothes, and film photography. Hopefully I can get better at writing again, since it's been a while since I even wrote a diary entry. At least now if I keep regularly writing about stuff, I can have something purposeful and autonomous to just me, and maybe other people can read these hot takes of whatever the heck I end up doing with my words.
Catch ya for the next one,
Em